Aanushka Ramesh – I was in complete depression and isolation after my Mom’s death.
Losing a mother is a pain that cannot be described in words. It is impossible to move on from the memory of losing the woman who sacrificed happiness in her own life so that you could have a better one. A mother’s love is truly irreplaceable. If you are finding it hard to cope with your mom’s death, channel your emotions by seeking solace in the written word. Write your own quotes, phrases and poems. They’ll help you reflect on all the beautiful childhood memories. Your writings will help you emerge out of the shadows of sadness. The wonderful memories of spending time with your mom will help heal the agony of missing her after she’s passed away.
That’s the task we gave to actor Aanushka Ramesh. She had recently lost her mom, has been through the trauma of losing her best friend. So much was the loss that Aanushka had deleted all the fond memory pictures of her mom from her phone also. There were moments she found it difficult to even see the photographs.
But yes, now Aanushka has moved on, accepted the loss but the fond memories will remain deeply etched out deep within her. And of course this emotional memoir has made her stronger.
Aanushka did confess, “Getting myself to pen down my thoughts about Mother’s Day is a traumatic experience. Even thinking about the fond memories is a tough moment since I lost my mom three years back. The mere thought of my mom gets tears rolling down. Getting into the flashback revive the joy and happiness, my mom always showered on me”.
Yes, you may get emotional reading this, just make sure you give your mom a tight jug every day and say ‘I love you’ from the bottom of your heart.
Moms are not just guardian angels but the heartbeats of your life. Don’t forget the daily hugs, before it is too late.
What has been the most favourite memory of your Mom?
Each one of us has countless memories about our mom, and all of them are special and endearing. Looking back I really admire the way she brought me up as a person. Also memories of her love for food. Not eating food but her endless love for cooking and making people eat.
About food, it was her life. Cooking and making people eat was her the greatest joy. Even though we had domestic help and cooks, she loved cooking herself. She used to cook non veg for us even though she had never eaten non-veg in her life. We would virtually have feasts with people coming over just for her cooking and she made all cuisines.
Besides cooking, which other emotional traits of your Mom have left a mark on your life?
As a person, she always told us to be good hearted, kind, be good to people no matter how they are or behave. I think that defines a large part of me even now. I have many times come across people telling me I’m good hearted and well brought up, and I credit that entirely to her.
Did she advice you on the career front also?
She always encouraged me to be very independent, be responsible for my own life and decisions, to study and focus on making my career. One of her favourite lines I remember she used to say is, “My daughter will not make chapattis”. Not that there was anything wrong or to deride it in any way, but she always encouraged me to be goal oriented, and not just learn cooking because I am a girl.
Being an actor, did she guide you on your diet plans?
Since I became very diet conscious, she would sometimes get upset that I wasn’t not eating enough. And I have a strange habit of getting up in the middle of the night and eating. So she would keep my favourite foods in the fridge right up front, so in my half asleep state I would gobble it all. Next day I would realise how much I ate. It gave her the greatest joy.
What are the two lessons from your Mom which have made you a better individual?
The two main lessons she gave have always been my foundation since years.
- Be good to people no matter how they are with you.
- Being spiritual- which I get from her. Even though I’m completely a child of the modern times, I have a spiritual side which not many people know. I can recite various Sanskrit shlokas and prayers by heart, have read the Bhagvad Gita and Bible three times. People do get shocked when they learn these things about me. But I believe spirituality and everything in the world is science, and my scientific bent of mind is always researching these things.
How was your relationship with your mom over a period of time? How has it evolved over a period of time?
My relationship with my mom was that of a best friend. I would speak to her ten times a day and would literally talk to her about everything. It was really difficult for me to come to terms with life after she passed away.
How did you cope with the trauma of losing your Mom recently?
I was in complete depression and isolation for few months. In fact I deleted all her pictures from my phone and social media because it was a painful reminder that she’s no longer with me.
But I think her blessings made me stronger. It’s almost as if i could hear her telling me, ‘don’t be like this it hurts me’. This is not how i want you to spend your life. And somehow I got out of it. Now I choose to think she’s my guardian angel, always around, always blessing me and that’s how I came to terms with it.
How are you and your mom different from each other?
My mom and me very different in the way we looked. There was no resemblance in our physical looks. I actually look exactly like my dad, and I would always joke with my mom that she must have adopted me, because we looked as different as chalk and cheese.
But my nature, personality, likes, dislikes, I think all that I got from her. Except her fondness for cooking.
Any qualities things you would have liked her to change in her thinking or way of doing things?
The one and only thing I would like to change, is that I wish she was still here.